Anyone else feeling like they have nothing left to give this year? Anyone else feeling like it's time to just see this bad boy to the door?
Eff you 2020! You're too much!
Hey everyone, how've you been? Thanks for checking in! I'm so happy that you're here!
You know, I didn't really think I hated this year as much as I do. I didn't really realize how much it kicked the crap out of me until just yesterday; Boxing Day. The day after the lousiest Christmas I've ever had. Now, first I'm gonna start out by saying that the day wasn't actually all that bad. I did all that I could to make it perfect for my children. The magic was there. Their eyes lit up, they were excited and they were happy. Everyone was in good spirit and our weather was perfectly Christmas for Alberta. We were blessed with good health, good food and of course; Santa made it to our house. The restrictions put on us over the holidays due to this god forsaken pandemic though is what messed with my mind. You see, my kids are 4, 6 and 8 and for their entire little lives I've preached to them that Christmas isn't about the presents. Christmas is a feeling. It's spending time with family and friends and truly spreading love and good cheer. But, wait. What? We actually aren't allowed to spend time with anyone except for us 5! Well, frig! To be painfully honest, I just need a little less of JUST us 5. I love my squad, I really do. But you see, the 5 of us are made up of so much more. We are US because of the grandparents. Because of the aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. We are social beings. We love and need our extended family. We love and need our friends. Christmas to me is a full house! Christmas is the chaos of everything nice. And this year, I feel robbed. Was my day good? Ya, it was a good day. But it certainly didn't feel like Christmas. Where my mind started to go all crazy was when the guilt set in. Suck it up, T! There are people out there who never get to see their parents. There are people out there who can't handle the "Nice chaos". There are people out there who are missing their loved ones because they are no longer here, period. And so I've been sitting with that and I've been struggling. It's been 2 days, and this evening I've finally been able to pull myself together. Yes, you guessed it- I smudged. Cleared the air in this little house. Put away the clutter of Christmas and sat down to write. Now, I don't talk politics. I don't post politics, and most importantly I don't like politics. I'm not writing today to dispute the restrictions put on us by our government. There is far too much of that going on already. The overworked healthcare professionals. The anti-maskers. The conspirators. It's all just too much. (I will say though, that I do have the utmost respect for our frontline workers and I appreciate you all). My point in sitting down here today is to vent. To get the crap of 2020 that I've been carrying, off of me. And to ring in 2021 with more desire, more desperation and more courage than any new year before. The truth behind my posts or my podcasts is that I know there are many others feeling what I'm feeling, and I think that there is power and perhaps even a bit of peace in knowing that we are not alone in our feelings of crappiness.
So, before we get on to how we'll jumpstart this New Year let's just unleash on 2020. To put it simply, you were sh!t! You caused so much heartache. So much pain and despair. You took away freedom, you took away courage and you took away livelihoods and lives. You took away sports! And I'm not talking professional- I'm talking Little League and Timbits hockey for crying out loud! You caused more fear than I ever knew was possible. You changed society. You changed personalities. You changed integrity, you changed truth and you changed bravery.
You did also though, I suppose; bring lots of new babies into this world. You made new mommies and daddies. You perhaps cured some of other illnesses they'd been battling for years prior. You gave some more money than they've ever had in their accounts. You lowered interest rates. And well, ugh, ok fine- maybe-
you gave us time to reset, recharge, reevaluate and redo. Well, shoot. I guess friends, this is it. Here's where we lift our vibration. See the thing is, we can't stay low for long. When shit gets bad, we're blinded from all the good. 2020 may not have offered us much good, but there was some. And if we try to focus on just that little bit, it can help. It can help take us into this New Year with an even greater appreciation for all that's good. Greater anticipation for all that's better. All good things come from gratitude. Gratitude is the key. And although I've had a hard time admitted that there was some good in 2020, I am going to sit down and make my list of the things I am grateful for before this year is up.
Ok, so now what? Well, we're gonna manifest the greatest upcoming year of our lives! Resolutions anger me, lol and maybe just because I've never been able to stick to my "lose 20lbs, eat right, go to church, be a better wife, etc etc". But, this year, I'm trying something new, and I'd love for you to try it with me. I'm going to practice manifestation. I feel as though, if you've got the right mindset, if you've got the right attitude, if you've got the right tools and the right desires- that resolution becomes your lifestyle. And when all these things align, even if we're hit with another shit-show of a year- we'll be better equipped to handle it.
Say this with me; " I am willing to accept that good things can come easily"
Stay tuned for how we ready up! ....that's Fortnite lingo haha- my kids taught me that and it seems so perfect here.
Within the next few days I'll post our plan, I hope you'll join me.
In love and light,